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Saturday, August 11, 2012

REVIEW: Turkey Hill Cookies n' Cream Ice Cream

That feels really redundant.. Turkey Hill Cookies n' Cream Ice Cream, it's like I'm saying Cream twice except I'm referring to Cream as in the Cream filling in an Oreo Biscuit as opposed to the Cream of Ice which is Ice Cream - This screws with my head a bit, is it redundant? I don't think it is as much as it seems redundant..

Furthermore why the fuck are they called Turkey Hill? Was there a hill with a bunch of Turkeys somewhere and that became known as Turkey Hill? Might it have been a dangerous hill? I've known some pretty goddamned mean Turkeys in my life..

Actually Turkey Hill was established in 1931 and is a subsidiary of Kroger broken into two separate companies, Turkey Hill and Turkey Hill Dairy who sells Ice Cream and.. Durh.. Let's see.. CANNON BALLS! - No.. Dairy Products.. And strangely in spite of being two different companies they have the same ownership, the fuck is the point in that? I'm sure they have their reasons but right off the bat I can't think of any logical explanation for this..

And you know on a completely different tangent that is somewhat related, I love Oreo Biscuits and I didn't used to until fairly recently when I received a bunch of Oreo Pop-Tarts for my Birthday from a very nice friend who went out of their way to make sure my miserable Birthday wasn't so miserable although I've recently come to a realization that's potentially disturbing and may put you off Oreo Biscuits forever.. In an earlier post I discussed my theories on the Apocalypse in 2012 and well..


...And.. Calming down quickly and moving right along..

I think probably judging by the fact that they don't actually feature the word 'Oreo' on the packaging that the Biscuits in this Ice Cream in particular aren't actually Oreo Biscuits, they're described on the packaging as 'Chocolate Biscuits', 'Cookies' is what the packaging says but fuck that shit, they're goddamned Biscuits, deal with it!

And interestingly this particular packaging seems to be a little different than the others, for one sporting a red, yellow, and white motif mostly and displaying the bold text 'REAL ICE CREAM', well.. Yes... What the fuck else would it be? Real Broccoli?

...If there's Broccoli in this I swear to all that's Holy and good I'll trot down to Turkey Hills HQ and punch someone in the goddamned face.. Probably an innocent bystander that doesn't actually work for them and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but THEY'LL KNOW I WAS FUCKING PISSED!

Oddly enough the top of the box also intrigued me because it read 'Vanilla flavoured Ice Cream swirled with crushed Chocolate Biscuits', obviously I've taken some liberty with the wording because they're still FUCKING BISCUITS and flavour is spelled with A U BECAUSE IT'S PROPER GODDAMNED ENGLISH AND I DON'T GIVE A SHITE HOW AMERICANS SPELL IT BECAUSE THE LANGUAGE WASN'T INVENTED BY AMERICANS but still.. Deep breath.. - Crushed Chocolate Biscuits you say though? Interesting.. Let's see..

Yeah.. They're there alright, sprinkled on throughout the Ice Cream, little dots and tiny chunks of Chocolate Biscuit (Oreo-like Biscuits) fill the Ice Cream and I began to wonder how this would affect the flavour, if it even would affect the flavour? Surprisingly enough it actually did and that's because as I ate this I noticed first and foremost that the 'Vanilla Ice Cream' didn't really taste like Vanilla but instead it's the most wonderfully orgasmic and creamy mix of Vanilla Ice Cream that really just tastes exactly like the Cream Filling in Oreo Biscuits which as everyone knows is indisputably the best goddamned part of the whole Biscuit and makes this Ice Cream set fireworks off in my head and.. I think I might need a change of pants... Again..

The Biscuits are crushed but they're so densely included in this Ice Cream that they're tiny size doesn't detract from the Ice Cream but actually compliments and adds to it making their flavour very forefront along with the Cream Filling flavour which results in some of the best most amazing Cookies n' Cream Ice Cream I've ever tasted and upon further inspection I discovered that there are huge chunks of Biscuit also included deeper in along with the tiny crushed bits! HOLY SHIT, win! REALLY?! That's awesome!!!!

Turkey Hill Cookies n' Cream Ice Cream will be receiving a rating of 9.4/10 Big Cat Paws - This shit is great, they've really hit on something with this crushed Biscuit thing, I wasn't sure I'd like it as much without the chunky big hunks of Biscuit inside the Ice Cream but the tiny little dottings of it are actually better believe it or not! BRAVO!

A Big Cat is once again pleased!

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