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Monday, October 8, 2012

REVIEW: LIMITED EDITION Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate Pop Tarts

For the record I think I've stated it in the past, I'm inclined to state it again just because it's totally true, with names like 'LIMITED EDITION Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate Pop Tarts', even removing the 'LIMITED EDITION' from the name the name of these Pop Tarts feels oppressively and intrusively long, I mean seriously.. Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate and if you think the name is long don't you dare read the ingredients list.

As with all LIMITED EDITION Pop Tarts I was instantly inclined to pick these up when I saw the name because let's face it, come on.. LIMITED EDITION means they're here for a short time and when they're gone, they're probably gone.. Gone either for the year or at worse they're gone for all time so I've gotta grab 'em up and review them when I have the chance, right?

There's also a certain whimsy in reviewing something LIMITED EDITION, I don't know what it is but it's kind of like super special glitter stars, you know?

Now I have to admit, Pop Tarts are a guilty indulgence for me, in spite of my health conscious life-style and the fact that I work out and train in Martial Arts like a demon I still from time to time break in an other wise rigid and super-healthy diet, Pop Tarts are one of the dark secrets I keep hidden under my bed at least until I stupidly don't by exposing it for all to see on my BLOG. I guess my dark secret is kind of a GLOWING FUCKING OBVIOUS TRESPASS AGAINST HEALTH?!


And the fact is, I'm with Ash, like it or not with the fact that I burn over 1,000 Calories in exercise every single day and over 700 in just the morning, I'm pretty much always hungry and so I enjoy to indulge every now and then.. It's not going to kill me after all and even if it does, fuck it, something's going to kill me sooner or later, would a Pop Tart really be that bad a way to go?

With stories of Swiss Miss enjoyment abound, specifically stories of people eating that shit in it's powder form I know that Hot Chocolate is a popular commodity in the junk-food/drink industry and the idea of Hot Chocolate Pop Tarts kind of fucked with my mind because think about it.. What the hell? How did you make a drink into a Pop Tart and if you can do that, why haven't you teamed up with Soda companies? How awesome would it be to see a Surge Pop Tart?

Holy fucking shit, you think these things are Sugar laden now.. Just think about the sheer insaneo Sugar rush that a Surge Pop Tart would give you, you'd fucking be glowing.

Hot Chocolate is also kind of something that scares me, given my condition and the fact that I can't be in the sun or any light for too long really I'm extremely pale, so much so that I often fear for my very safety when around drinks such as Hot Chocolate because people tend to put Marshmallows in Hot Chocolate and given my skin colour is just one shade away from being completely transparent, a Marshmallow and myself don't seem to have much difference.. I do not want to end my life boiled alive in a giant cup of Hot Chocolate, unlikely you say? People told me the same thing about getting hit by a car and I've been hit by cars twice in my fucking life!

Given my experience with such astronomical odds I really wouldn't be surprised if through this review my heart exploded from the additives and shite in Pop Tarts and I died a horrible and bloody death where I typed but you know, dangers that come with the job, right? I love my Blog and I'm willing to take a chance.


This box first of all makes me feel a little odd, you know? It's getting cold a lot sooner in the U.S. than it usually does and I don't know about you but I consider the cold in the U.S. to be ridiculously cold, I wear a jacket for most of your 'Summer', 90 degree to 110 degree weather, are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? This is not hot comparatively to places like Australia where in Coober Pedy it can easily get up to 120 goddamned degrees and houses have to be underground because if you're not THE SUN WILL FUCKING BAKE YOU.

With my condition there's some cruel irony there.

Still it's been getting colder than usual earlier than usual and that's weird because I'm also noticing little things that are maybe simply standing out due to the weird weather heightening my attention to them, wintery things have been put out early and this is one of them complete with a back-ground that's been thoroughly coated by a snowy blanket that covers everything from the houses to the trees and even a seemingly frozen lake, what the fuck?

It's October, right? Not December?

But whatever.. I can worry about that later when I'm immobile and frozen, for now I've got Hot Chocolate Pop Tarts to keep me warm and so pop into the Toaster Oven went the Pop Tart!

 You can see a clear difference from the toasted Tart as compared to the untoasted just fresh out of the package, for one the Frosting seems particularly susceptible to a little browning.. Well.. Not that it wasn't brown to begin with but it changed to a different tinge of brown in certain places where the Toaster Oven heated it as well as the fact that the gooey insides seemed to become a little more 'fluffy' and melted Marshmallow-like.

Taste-wise I can't say these are particularly amazing, they're definitely Chocolate but it's a kind of muted Chocolate in my opinion, the Marshmallow flavour is just generally vaguely Vanilla tasting and the Sprinkles and Frosting seem to offer nothing more than extra Sugar which kind of turns it a little 'bleh' from this just vague sweetness that doesn't taste particularly amazing or horrible, just a little too strongly sweet without the Chocolate flavour being strong enough to bring it down to an acceptable and more enjoyable level.

These don't taste particularly like Hot Chocolate to me.

LIMITED EDITION Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate Pop Tarts receive a rating of 6.8/10 Big Cat Paws; they're not horrible, they're not great, they're just 'meh', they're a little disconcertingly sweet and the Chocolate flavour isn't strong enough to make up for the over-powering just general Sugar flavour in them. The Marshmallow also tastes more like Vanilla and less like Marshmallow and in the end I could do with them or without them.

I won't mind to finish the box off, I wouldn't mind not to have them either..


And even when frozen they're not particularly 'amazing', they just kind of disappointed because usually when something's not as good toasted/heated it's usually better frozen, sadly not the case this time..

While the appearance of the Pop Tart was altered a bit by the freezing, the Marshmallow 'ooze filling' seemingly more solid and thicker, the actual flavours were much the same and muted in all area's including the Sugary flavour which made it slightly more bland than it's toasted/heated equivalent.

The frozen LIMITED EDITION Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate Pop Tarts receive a rating of 5.6/10 Big Cat Paws; a definite drop, it would have sadly been more enjoyable to have them toasted/heated.

1 comment:

  1. These pop tarts are the exact kind as the Ice cream sandwich pop tarts they had last year and the chocolate vanilla creme pop tarts which they had two years ago which were my favourite and then they discontinued them saying "no one bought them as much" just so they could bring them back as not one, but two different kinds of pop tarts that taste EXACTLY the same.


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