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Saturday, June 30, 2012

RETRO REVIEW: All That

So love it, hate it or being indifferent of it, everyone that was around during the mid to later 1990s remembers All That





First debuting in 1994 as a 'sneak peek' and then later at the tail-end of 1994 as a regular programme on Nickelodeon, All That was a show which was a very 'Saturday Night Live' style sketch comedy-variety show featuring short comedic sketches and music guests, the theme song was legendarily preformed by TLC (R.I.P Lisa Left-eye Lopez) of 1990s fame, their songs played on virtually every radio station in the 1990s, specifically their song 'waterfalls' which I heard so many times that even if I had hated the song I'd of known the damn thing by heart;


 

Early episodes within the first Season or so were actually taped at Nickelodeon Studio's in Universal Studio's, Florida, the same with the famous slime-geyser which no longer exists today and in spite of rumours stating contrary, no, the Nickelodeon Studio's were not shut down due to deaths or any other such foolishness, they were shut down due to storm damage. Sorry I realize that's considerably more mundane than some kid getting skewered on the Hyper Mega Kill Murder Death Aggro Crag on Nickelodeon GUTS, but that's the truth of the matter. Later the show was filmed in Hollywood at the Nickelodeon On Sunset Theater.

Like it's inspirations, Saturday Night Live and Mad TV, All That was funnier in it's first Season or so than it was as it continued through out the years, Saturday Night Live was much funnier in the 1980s and early 1990s though throughout the later 1990s it started to lose it's charm and became largely unfunny until eventually I personally couldn't watch it anymore because it was just too stupid.

There were a few characters on All That who were genuinely quite funny, I personally quite enjoyed the typically Ax Crazy characters such as REPAIR MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN MAN who was well.. Largely a terrible Repair Man who cared little about property damage and seemed to actively seek opportunities where he could be a danger to himself as well as everyone and everything around him, actively a danger to.. Well.. Goddamned everything.. You gotta know that resonated with someone like me who on more than one occasion has put her whole fucking face through the wall by tripping.. Admittedly mine were accidents but still, it's pretty hardcore that I put my face through a wall if I do say so myself and I FUCKING DO!

Now you shut the hell up or I'll put my face through YOU!

All That also featured characters who were trolls before 'trolling' was really cool, Detective Dan for instance who took things beyond their illogical extreme and completely fucked with people seemingly on purpose before ultimately wrongly arresting them. The best character on the show hands down was a character who later got his own movie, yes, that's right.. You know exactly who I'm talking about.



Wooooaaah! Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, may I take your order?

YES! Ed! Ed is fucking awesome, always has been and always will be, Ed was probably the funniest and most amusing character coming from All That and went on to gain his own Good Burger movie which was equally hilarious, featuring one of the most perfectly comedic-ally timed and played and timed lines that I've ever heard;


Customer: (motioning to Ed) Excuse me! Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it! 
Ed: That's what I gave you. 
Customer: No, you gave me a bun. Just a bun. Look there's no meat in here. 
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it. 
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty! 
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said nothing. Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing? 
Fizz: Uh, something? 
Ed: (raises arm in the air) I win! 
Customer: All right, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager! 
Ed: The manager already knows my name. 
Customer: Oh, I'll see you in Hell. 
Ed: Okay, see ya there!

Yeah, that was amazingly hilarious, a perfectly played bit.

Another was Lori Beth Denberg, her Vital Information skit from time to time would have a diamond in the rough which was worth-while, more often than not they were generally just kind of stupid though..

This show was also notoriously known for getting shit past the radar, the censors seemed to be largely asleep when this show was being reviewed and so some things such as 'The Secret World Of Alex Sax' in which Alex Mack is made to be a sax player and the joke is made that she has quote unquote, "Real sax appeal", it's a pun but still.. On a kids show? About a kid? The censors were clearly being a wee bit lazy..

It's sad but retrospectively watching a lot of this show flat out doesn't work, was better due to nostalgia, or just flat out isn't funny, bordering and often passing straight into flat out stupid growing more true as the series goes on throughout the years and especially when the cast changed, it outright became an abyssal and unwatchable sack of shite. All That gets a retrospective rating of 3.4/10 Big Cat Paws, in spite of having a few funny moments and skits, it's largely.. Eh.. Just not funny and having to wait most of an episode for one skit or funny bit, it's just not worth it typically..

The Seasons of All That with the new cast? Those get an entirely different retrospective rating of 0.1/10 Big Cat Paws, utterly abyssal and unforgivably bad and stupid, the matters were made worse by the fact that they didn't do away with characters such as Ed of Good Burger but tried to continue on by placing newer and younger cast members playing the roles and that's utter blasphemy. Kel is Ed, end of goddamned story.

Friday, June 29, 2012

RETRO REVIEW: 100 Good Deeds For Eddy McDowd

Oh yeah, bad CGI talking Dogs, 'morals' that were often confusing or a bit off, extreme punishment and measures, and yeah.. It was a sort of 'interesting' show, interesting in the sense that I'm really glad I don't live in a world like this because some fucked up shit happened and should be considered..

100 Good Deeds For Eddy McDowd was a show which ran from 1999 to 2002, it's not a '1990s show' by the general definition, I mean it came on for the very tail end of the 1990s and ran mostly through the 2000s, it's weird to see people consider things like this '1990s programming', I really disagree.. That said..


100 Good Deeds For Eddy McDowd was an.. interesting show to say the least, following a very linear and predictable episodic script with minor continuity at least it wasn't necessarily bad, just one of those shows where you could watch an episode you'd never seen and know exactly where the story was going before it got there..

Starring at least for the First Season, Seth Green as Eddy McDowd, the voice and the actor.. Yes, the Seth Green, the same guy who would later voice a number of popular modern day characters and even play Dr. Evil's son, Scotty Evil, it was a show with pretty good acting all things considered and a pretty good cast that gelled fairly well together.



The story was simple, Eddie McDowd is a school-yard bully, the type you see in stereotype that is a pretty terrible person, an all around egotist, and just a general nonredeemable type jerk-ass who goes a wee bit too far, messing with a kid named Justin and then a bloke known only as 'The Drifer', a crazy looking old man who is apparently and obviously the Christian idea of God in that he seems rather omnipotent and ridiculously powerful, why you may ask? Because in response to Eddies behaviour he takes the obvious logical step and turns Eddie into a fucking dog because that makes total sense and isn't a borderline psychotic abuse of super natural powers or anything..


The Drifter who by the way is awesomely played by Richard Moll who has a rather incredible career not limited to having played Harvey Dent/Two Face and the Bat Computer in Batman: The Animated Series of the 1990s, Vorn The Unspeakable and Wolfman in Freakazoid!, Emperor Spooj in the 1990s Superman: The Animated Series, Mac Gargan AKA Scorpion in the 1990s Spiderman: The Animated Series, and well.. Many more parts and voices even in recent years, sufficed to say Richard Moll is pretty awesome and does his acting thing quite well in this show.

After said punishment of becoming a dog, Eddie's life has been changed not forever but as the shows title suggests, until he preforms 100 'good and selfless deeds', his Parents no longer exist and the only person that can hear him speak is The Drifter of course as well as the last kid he picked on, Justin who in a strange but predictable turn of events comes to adopt Eddie into his family.

I've already stated I thought the cast worked well together, they gelled quite flawlessly and I think a photograph of the cast together speaks volumes of that fact;


And Mr. Moll looks rather.. Well.. Fucking awesome crazy in that photograph to the point where I totally want to go drinking with this man because man does he ever look pants shittingly insane.

A lot of the recurring cast was interesting as well, it's weird to see but Brenda Song who later went on to work for Disney and became rather famous through her part on The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody was a recurring character in this show as well as Danny Tamberelli from The Adventures Of Pete & Pete as well as other shows, like I said.. Pretty good cast and pretty good acting all things considered.

In spite of my natural inclination to make dogs rue the day they were born, 100 Good Deeds For Eddy McDowd gets a retrospective rating of 6.8/10 Big Cat Paws, it wasn't the best show and it was super simplistic so it loses points for that as well as the fact that it was cancelled prematurely and the show never reached any conclusion. Eddie still had forty deeds to do before he'd become a boy again and things would return back to normal.

BONUS NOTE:

I'd like to point out as of tonight I have officially broken 60,000 Pageviews World-Wide.

Pretty good if I say so myself..  

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Fast Food Madness

Okay Fast Food is weird, I think that's established. For one conclusive experiments conducted with no scientific equipment or expertise whatsoever have proven that even bacteria won't eat the shit, I found that it's not just I who have purchased Fast Food items only to secret them away and see what comes of them, the surprising answer? They remain... Well.. The same as they were the day they were ordered more or less with the exception of transmuting into what now is a deadly weapon, I'm pretty sure that'd be an awesome murder weapon right up there with like maybe a Popsicle.


There are of course the general annoyances such as Mackers and their Ice Cream Machine constantly being on the goddamned fritz, gods help the Stoners, the poor bastards going up to get their Ice Cream fix after a night of blitzing.. And then of course there's international weirdness in Fast Food like in Japan for instance were you aware due to marketing campaigns the Japanese people now believe that a 'traditional' XMAS Holiday meal is Fried Chicken ala KFC?


It's good to note the Japanese actually celebrate XMAS without the religious context, it's true and the Japanese KFC locations traditionally also sport a creepy statue of The Colonel, the Colonel who in this case they dressed up as Santa Sanders and in other cases? Well, I can't tell.. Is this... Racist? I mean.. It's coming from Japan so I'm not sure if it's racist or not, it's more just... Confusing..


The Colonel got himself some fryin' Chickunz and Watermelon! O lawd!

Speaking of Japan though there was recently a rather frightening story of Japanese male, "Mr. Sato" for odd-news blog RocketNews24 who took the 'Have it your way' of Hungry Jack's (U.S. Burger King) to an extreme and ordered a Whopper not with one, two, twenty, or even fifty separate pieces of bacon but one thousand fifty, what the fuck man?




Sufficed to say after walking away from this bestial monstrosity and heading off camera the man was obviously viciously ill. That much grease and fat can only lead to serious and immediate health concerns, I just hope the bloke survives his encounter, I hope he enjoys the next year and a half of being unable to shit after that or the week he's going to spend hunched over a toilet enjoying the ramifications of bacon overload.

The actual Whopper by the way cost the astounding equivalent of $90.00USD, I'm hoping that at least after spending so much more was done with this than simply throwing it into the trash.. Although I'm not sure, my natural inclination to avoid Fast Food and my extreme aversion to being wasteful totally fucks with me here, I'm not sure what to do with that beast of a burger.

Segueing into the territory of Mackers once more, they've been in the news recently once again, furthermore it was an Australian Mackers which was in the news, this story just furthers my reasons not to visit Fast Food Chains although it also kind of furthers my logic as to why no one who doesn't want to gamble the serious risk of dying a potentially vicious and horrifying death should visit Australia;


This happened in Sydney where around 3:30 AM a moderately intoxicated man (big surprise there) wandered his way into a Mackers and was ordering food when he became entangled with a verbal argument with the Manager of said store, the victim allegedly swore at the Manager and threatened to kill him, the Manager responded, 'If you come over the counter, I'll throw hot oil on you', the mix of booze, testosterone, and aggression considered you can guess how that all turned out..

Guy jumped behind the counter, the Manager did what he stated he'd do, and the victim suffered serious burns to the victim's face, chest, torso, and arms. Excessive much? He was a drunk fella, not a gun-wielding maniac, he could have just have easily been taken out with a much more simple and less vicious maneuver but then again.. This is Australia we're talking about.. This much can be said though, that guy will never get the smell of Mackers out of his clothes.. And.. Skin and.. Y'know, deep tissue and all.. Perpetually smelling like a Mackers French Fry, I'm not sure whether the burns or this fate are the worst of the deal..

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

RETRO REVIEW: As Told By Ginger

We once again are using the term 'retro' very loosely at least in my opinion, I've gone over in the past what I consider to be 'retro' and also stated the actual definition which disagrees with me so I'll pass on furnishing you with a huge monologue on that again and simply state, As Told By Ginger is a show from Nickelodeon, specifically a 'Nick Toon' produced by the world-famed creators of Rugrats, Klasky-Csupo, and aired from 2000 to 2009, a pretty impressive run all things considered and why not?


The series focused largely on Middle Schooler, Ginger Foutley, her friends, and the Brothers of the girls or at least the Brothers of Ginger and Dodi, Carl and Hoodsey.

...First things first... As much as I typically like Klasky-Csupo's art style and programmes, I find the art-work on As Told By Ginger a little.. Irksome.. Specifically the fact that where a show like The Angry Beavers, not created by Klasky-Csupo but used as an example had the Beavers with their weird-ass nose teeth, As Told By Ginger had.. The mouth thing.. I mean.. What the fuck is with their mouths? Let me furnish you with an example;


Their mouths are like.. Melting off their goddamned faces and it's weird, it's almost unbearable for me being a very meticulous and analytical person, I notice this stand out like a sore fucking thumb and it really bothers me.. Not to mention the fact that as their lips are they look kind of... Gummy.. Like I should be able to pull them off their mouths and they'd be gummy candies or something, chewy and all.. Yeah.. That's a fucked up visual, thanks.

The series also follows 'support characters' such as Courtney Grippling who strangely seems to have an.. Almost.. Borderline lesbian obsession with Ginger, I'm not normally one to call these things because they're usually childish jokes made by immature guys that are below even my low-brow humour but.. Yeah.. Courtney seemed to have something weird going for Ginger, it was unnerving at times.. And of course her 'side-kick', pseudo alpha-bitch Miranda Cosgrove, voiced by Cree Summer who was also Suzie Carmicheal in Rugrats and voiced many other characters in other popular cartoons such as but not limited to Penny in Inspector Gadget.

As Told By Ginger is a 'Teen Drama', it's kind of weird in that respect and I've noticed a lot of strange things about it watching it retrospectively, specifically that the girls often hang out in the girls restroom, treating it as their 'office' and well.. I wasn't ever one of the 'cool girls' in school when I didn't home-school but even so I don't remember ever seeing or hearing about anyone spending large amounts of time hanging out in the girls restroom as if it were some congregation spot. Anyone that did that was likely to be thought of as a bit of a freak, sure people stopped, talked, and touched up make-up but it was never full-on congregation like in this show..

One thing I found really impressive about this show is watching the progression of the characters themselves, there's a lot of character growth for a cartoon series and we follow Ginger and her friends full-on into High-School and see them subtly age and change throughout the series, it's a very nice touch that's done extremely well.



As illustrated above the changes throughout the series were actually quite profound but still more subtly done throughout the series, it's highly impressive that they put this much work into the show and the show itself? It clearly got the attention that is expected from Klasky-Csupo.

This show was truly amusing, funny, and interesting to follow.. While it's art style can be a little irksome in some ways it was forgivable, the show was extremely good and kept a loose continuity that was just enjoyable. As Told By Ginger gets a retrospective rating of 8.5/10 Big Cat Paws, it's something I probably personally liked better being as I am female and all as well but I think some guys probably might admit to liking it as well.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

New Fast Food Terrors

I mean it when I say this to the Fast Food Chains of the world, I really do, what I'd like to say? Damn you people, seriously. God damn you people. Fast Food scares me bad.



Now I'm not going to claim I've never eaten Fast Food before, I have and I'll even admit that from time to time something on their menu's often tickles my fancy and I'm tempted to try that something, I don't typically.. In fact I think the last time I had Fast Food was actually over two years ago so there's that, yeah.. I stay away from the stuff pretty religiously unless you count the 3+ year old Hash Rounds I keep in my kitchen for experiment purposes.. The 3+ year old Hash Rounds which still exist, pulsing with strange and unholy unlife, it's true.. I'll even admit in fact that Fast Food Chain Hardee's recently introduced an awesome dessert item I'd like to try, something called the 'Brrrger', it's an Ice Cream abomination that.. Well.. Look;


I can't tell if it'd be good or disgusting.. It's not healthy for you, that much is clear. It's two biscuits (U.S. 'Cookies') sandwiching Chocolate Ice Cream with Frosting that replicates the appearance of condiments, though I'm confused as to what condiment is lime green in colour and slimy.. I guess it's supposed to approximate the colour of pickles? Eh.. I don't see that but it's fun looking all the same.. Though one of these motherfuckers is 340 Calories with 150 Fat Calories, that's bad, you know what's worse though?

Unsurprisingly something worse comes from Fast Food Chain Sonic Drive-Thru, a burger monstrosity introduced by them going by the name of The Sonic Ring Leader Loaded Burger Double Patty, with a name that long you know right off the bat that it's going to be an unhealthy and evil thing and yes, it is. Oh how very much it is.


The photograph looks quite pretty, doesn't it? Of course the media photograph portrays the burger as something delicious and tempting looking, that much is to be expected.. Is the actual thing? No.. Not aesthetically and not calorie wise either..


The actual burger here is rather.. Soggy looking.. And yeck, I mean.. Look at that, it's flat out nasty looking with droopy Lettuce, rotten looking Cheese, and the Beef Patties? They look almost.. Slicked.. By like oil or something, the things appearance alone churns my stomach, let alone the 'Nutritional' Facts for it, there's nothing nutritional about this aberration which sports 1,660 Calories in a single burger, 120 g of Fat, 44 g of which are Saturated Fat, and 4 g of which are Trans Fat, and 1,450 mg of Sodium? SHIT, that's absolutely terrible.

And the last item? I've got no Nutritional Information on this offering, all I know is it's from Hungry Jack's (U.S. "Burger King") and it's something that.. Well.. It's an Ice Cream offering that just flat out scares the shit out of me.


Really? A Bacon Sundae? I know we've already done Bacon Milkshakes but what exactly the fuck is the obsession that's formed recently with people and Bacon? Bacon does not belong in goddamned Ice Cream period, I don't care what you try to rationalize it to 'go well with', Bacon doesn't go with Ice Cream, damn it!

Why if they're so set on doing something 'unique' can't they do something better and more appealing than a Bacon Sundae? Why not a Peanut Butter Banana Jelly "Elvis" Sundae or something else, anything else really.. Of course this is assuming you can find a Fast Food joint that actually has a working Ice Cream machine, in my experience the few times I've actually tried to get Ice Cream from either Mackers or Hungry Jack's their machine has inexplicably and inevitably been on the fritz.





Picking Up The Pieces..

Okay.. So I'm still not okay, of course I'm not.. My marriage of 3+ years is now over, I was cheated on, and I've lost my home.. I'm housed now thankfully but.. Things aren't super great and I'm still suffering profound depression.. I've spoken to friends and I've gotten comments from at least one person who wants me to keep my blog going so.. I'm going to give it a try and see if I can't keep it up because honestly this blog is something I really loved and I don't have much left that I actually do love..

I've got a few entries that were prepared ahead of time to keep me on schedule so I'll be relying on those for a bit but I should probably be able to keep going I hope.. We'll see..

Not promising anything but I'll certainly try so please keep checking back..

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Signing off for now, maybe forever.

I'm not going to go into detail, I've been hurt more deeply than even those who came at me with intent to hurt me in the past have managed, my heart has been forcibly ripped apart and spit out in a way I've never felt before and people have done terrible things to me in the past aiming to cause me both physical and mental anguish with full intent and consideration on how to harm me as badly as possible.

I don't think I'll ever recover to be honest. I'm not sure I really care to recover.

This is my last blog post for a while, probably forever.. I don't have much incentive to continue maintaining this blog as much as I loved it, I don't have much incentive to do anything at this point.. I'm sure those who dislike me will get a kick out of hearing this so please, feel free.. Take pot shots, I really don't care..

Later..

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Fast Food Nightmare (KFC Edition)

So Fast Food Chicken Chain, KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) has been in the news recently giving me further reason not to trust Fast Food Chains with handling of 'food' or selling 'food', what they sell to begin with isn't exactly something I'd trust to be 'food' in the first place.. I mean come on..


Bet you won't ever eat Popcorn Chicken again.. Teehee, teehee..

Never mind the fact that the alleged 'food' isn't aesthetically pleasing and is in fact rather disturbing aesthetically but let's point out the fact that they were in the news for having forced one of their employees to serve Green Chicken, wow.. Just.. Uh.. Really? I mean come on guys, Green Chicken? And you're going to serve it?! Common sense should dictate against that and then again just this morning I read a story about a woman from Melbourne who picked a mushroom from a field and ate it.. The bad part? Turns out it was a Death Cap Mushroom.


But that's not really fair in comparison to this KFC deal, I mean.. Who the fuck expects even Fast Food to sink so low as to serve green chicken? ....Well, I do but I'm ridiculously jaded so that's kind of unfair, you can't really base anything off my expectations, my favourite saying is "Expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised if it's the best", I find myself less disappointed living by that code than being optimistic.

I know Fast Food denizens aren't typically the most uh.. Well... Intelligent or stable of the herd in humanity..


Yeah.. "Drive Thru Open", it certainly is.. Although I think you might be doing a little something wrong there.. Just a guess.. But even these people deserve more than to be served green fucking chicken.. That's just.. Beyond gross.. I mean what sort of serious and more immediate health ramifications come from consuming green chicken? I know that later on down the line eating a ton of Fast Food is going to come back to haunt Fast Food denizens, it's an inevitability they'll figure out when they have that first coronary and following triple bypass if they're that lucky. Why do you think there was never a sequel to Green Eggs & Ham? Because Sam I Am tried that shit and he FUCKING DIED OF FOOD POISONING AND EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA is why.

It's not just this, I'm convinced now that KFC is out to kill it's customers, it wasn't long ago that they forsook the 'bun' on their sandwiches and offered an abomination in 2010 called the "Double Down";


Seriously, what the fuck?! It's a sandwich described as follows;

"bacon, two different kinds of melted cheese, the Colonel’s secret sauce... pinched in between two pieces of Original Recipe chicken fillets."

And the bastard sports 540 calories, 32 g of Fat, and 1380 mg of Sodium, that's nearly a whole days worth! Why?! And it's disgusting looking, I mean.. Seriously.. Why? Of course it's also important to note that these are the numbers from KFC of which are questionably true at best, many people claim that KFC's Nutritional Information regarding the Double Down is flat out false, that they're blatantly lying and honestly I wouldn't be too surprised. Would I suggest eating this? Hell no, life is short, why make it so much shorter?

Susan Levine, the nutrition education director for the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, even is cited as having said the following about this offering, that she feels it is a quote unquote "troubling symbol of corporate irresponsibility.", I'm with her.. I mean.. Shit.. This world and especially Fast Food Chains just keep pushing the line, where's it stop? And you've got to worry about our kids with shit like this around that they're probably tempted to eat and may in fact be eating..

Still I guess it's better than some of Zaxby's advertising..


....Eh... Heh... Yeaaah, I need an adult.. Like.. Now..

Some how I think the "Double Down" should be renamed to the "Double Up", double your belly, double your weight, and get double chins!

Dinner:

Niwatori no Bekonsupaisusandoitchi! (Spicy Chicken and Bacon Sandwich) is James' dinner for the night and is a delicious golden brown Fried Chicken BOOOOOB! Cutlet topped by a wonderful mix of Diced Tomatoes with Banana Peppers, a wonderful Smoky Umami Sauce, and Bacon coming complete with a delicious Sweetened Anpan (Sweet Roll!)

Wow! I really like how this dish came out and James said he thought it was particularly good so I am a particularly pleased Big Cat.

BONUS!:

If any of my fellow complex neighbors read my blog they'll understand this one and IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

HAIL SATA.. Buddha! ...I mean Buddha! Yeah..

*cough.*
 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

RETRO REVIEW: Inspector Gadget

Okay seriously, who in the world today doesn't know Inspector Gadget? I mean come on, Gadget is quintessential and has been for years. Everyone knows Inspector Gadget, he's one of the most awesome cartoon characters to have ever existed, introduced in 1983, Inspector Gadget was a very successful and very long lived show that ran all the way to 1986 and then lived on in syndication straight into the 1990s.



The theme song for Inspector Gadget is probably one of the best known openings of all time I'd be willing to bet, that "Dadadada da Inspector Gadget, Dadadadada doo woo oo!" is probably known world-wide and why not? The theme is catchy and a catchy theme to a good cartoon is automatically memorable much in the same way that I still can't get the original Thundercats theme song out of my head no matter how many times I listen to it.. By the way have you ever noticed in the original Thundercats theme song the way they emphasize and draw out their S's? Kind of weird.. But back to Gadget!

Inspector Gadget is some sort of awesome Cyborg Policeman or Detective, his body is strangely and inexplicably packed full of various devices and utilities that he summons by saying "Go Go Gadget --", the -- being the item he wishes to activate which typically doesn't matter because his own body often refuses to listen to him but for the sake or argument "Go Go Gadget Copter", which would activate the helicopter blades on him that would spring fourth from his hat.. Kind of makes you think.. Being how many of Gadgets devices came from his clothing and the like, was his clothing part of his body or could he actually take it off if he wanted? I think I recall seeing his hat come off several times, in that case... Where the fuck are those helicopter blades coming from?



It's never really explained in fact it's flat out never explained precisely why Gadget is a Cyborg or how he came to acquire all these strange Gadget's on his body, it begs the question.. Did he self modify? If so... Is he... Fully functional and anatomically correct? In which case... Go Go Gadget.. Yeaaah, no. I'm gonna stop there, I can't bring myself to do it, my fist is already balled and on the verge of slamming into the side of my own face if I do it, it's too lame to bother taking the hit for.






Naturally Gadget wasn't the only one with.. Uh.. Gadgets.. Fucking redundancy is inevitable here.. There was also Penny with her awesome Communicator Watch and Computer Book, a watch which kept her in contact with her strange dog "Brain" who somehow in spite of wearing ridiculous disguises that often involved him wearing simply a fake beard and hat as seen above and sometimes nothing more than a smile managed to hide the fact that he was a dog from virtually everyone, I'm pretty sure I'd notice some mutant dog even if he were wearing a fake beard and acting like a human but okay.. Whatever.. For the record though, I wanted Penny's Gadgets. The Communicator Watch and Book Computer were fucking awesome even if they were connected to Brain in the most retarded of ways, popping microphones and I guess camera's? out of his collar at random times.. Which is strange because one of the camera's is evidently magical, notice how we're looking at Brain being broadcast via this Communications Devices screen and there's no sign of a camera protruding from his collar? How the fuck does that work?

One must also note that Gadget was either the most oblivious, incompetent, and lucky of all men in the world or a Masterful Troll before his time because some how Gadget seems to remain completely unaware of the dangers facing him all the while managing to avoid them and ultimately foil the plans of his arch-enemy, Dr. Claw;


Dr. Claw by the way who is voiced by the amazing Frank Welker, the same man who I've said in the past has voiced countless major characters such as Megatron (Including the Megatron from the recent films), Fred Jones and Scooby Doo from Scooby Doo!, many animal voices in other animated programming, Nibbler in Futurama, and well.. Too many to bother naming again, the man is legendary though, take my word for it or look it up yourself. His voice range is insane and his throat after a stint of voicing Dr. Claw must have felt like he'd swallowed a glass of broken glass, rusty nails, and gravel, sufficed to say this voice must have fucking hurt to try and do.

Gadget was voiced by Don Adams who sadly passed away in 2005, Don had voiced other parts in other shows I had enjoyed such as Principal Hickey in Pepper Ann, Maxwell Smart in Get Smart, and a few other parts and well.. Cree Summer, the same voice of Valarie Grey in Danny Phantom, Tiff Crust in My Life As A Teenage Robot, Miranda Killgallen in As Told By Ginger, Susie Carmicheal in Rugrats, Hyena in Gargoyles, Elmyra Duff in Tiny Toons, and well.. Many many more.. The voice acting in Inspector Gadget therefore is pretty damn top notch and was funny to boot, I mean.. Like I said, Gadget was either incredibly lucky and oblivious or the greatest Troll of perhaps all time, the man's incredible.

Of course there was a film, the film was an abomination in my opinion, it wasted the talent it had and the potential it had as well, it had the potential to be truly great.. Instead it really just sucked and it didn't feel much like Gadget really..

Also in relation to the cartoon, you'd think after being exploded so many times that Chief Quimby might y'know.. Stop using explosive fucking notes?, where does one buy explosive post-it notes anyway? Those would be pretty awesome to have.


Inspector Gadget gets a retrospective rating of 9.8/10 Big Cat Paws, I love Inspector Gadget, kids of today should really have Inspector Gadget, talk about a good 'ole fashion, simple, and funny cartoon.

Go Go Gadget Big Cat Paw!

PS: Be glad they never 'officially' showed Dr. Claw's face in the cartoon, this is what he looked like according to their Dr. Claw action figure;


Bastard looks like he had a fucking stroke, yeesh.

No dinner post tonight, sorry. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Fast Food Nightmare Fuel

Well okay, I admit.. Suggesting that Fast Food in and of itself isn't Nightmare Fuel would be me lying, in fact Fast Food in and of itself isn't just Nightmare Fuel, it's High Octane Nightmare Rocket Fuel with a touch of Nitro. This world has a serious problem with obesity and Fast Food is right at it's core, it's kind of sad that the main-stream weight has become what it is and typically people today will make excuses and pass off their unhealthy weights with some sort of 'logic' or 'reasoning' as to why they can't lose weight or why it's somehow not unhealthy when really it is.. Y'know though most people still aren't to the point that the worst of the worst are, I mean.. What do you think when you see something like this?


.....Eeeyahh.. That's enough to put me off Fast Food for eternity, not that I wasn't already due to what I've seen from it.. I mean remember my Hardee's Hash Rounds? Over three years without any attempt to preserve them and they still look more or less like they did when I ordered them, I've still got them today.. I'll be taking more photographs of them soon no doubt, I'll keep the blog updated with their process and current state of being.. Sufficed to say, I can't see eating something that remains that unnaturally untouched by even bacteria, why would I want to put something like that in my body? That can't be good.. Also bloke in the picture? Yeaaah, I really don't think you should be at a Fast Food Chain, mate.. It's alright once in a while but I think this motherfucker straight-lines Big Macs..

Speaking of Big Macs, y'know.. It's not enough that Fast Food Chains provide horrifyingly unhealthy 'foods', I'm confused how they ever manage to survive when they also provide pants shittingly frightening mascots, shall we discuss a few?

1986 was a terrifying year for Fast Food Franchise Mackers, otherwise known in the U.S. as McDonald's, they introduced a mascot that was more pure uncut terror sauce than The King ever thought of being, introduced as a campaign to increase sales of the after 4 PM 'Dinner' crowd, the mascot was known solely as the horror spew inducing moniker, "Mac Tonight";


Tell me what you'd do if you saw this thing in the darkness of the night coming at you.. Dear god I can practically see the blade shining with the light barely present in the darkness, sparkling and craving for the blood of it's target demographic.. Yeeaaaaghghh... Motherfucking horrifying.. Look at his goddamned face, it's not just Grade A horror material, it's full of hints of psychosis and instability the likes of which is simply ridiculous.

It's not just his in-person appearance that was scary, Mac Tonight was scary universally, he was featured even in advertisements on the backs of cereal boxes and the like as an animated character, giving him an artistic rendition did little to cut down his terror inspiring power, point in fact it may have increased it.


GOOD LORD HIDE YOUR CHIL'REN AND WIVES, LOCK YO'SELF IN YO' CLOSET! This Moons'a'murderin'!

It's not just Mackers or Mac Tonight, Fast Food Chains seem to be obsessed with providing fear-poop inspiring mascots, there's of course the best modern example of this who was recently axed due to the fact that he was universally considered to be frightening,


But also simple mascots which exist today and go on unaddressed such as the mascot for U.S. Chain "Jack In The Box", a glorified clown on a spring that abruptly lunges out of a goddamned Pandora's box of terror that threatens to eat your motherfucking face off or strike with the speed and viciousness of a King Cobra! GODDAMN!


And look at that damn face! It's empty soulless eyes, the blank featureless roundness of it all and the one feature? A vacant, eerie and unsettling Cheshire smile.. What.. The.. Fuck?!

You think Mac Tonight is the worst that Macker's has ever come up with though? They've got one that tops The King again, y'know the original Ronald McDonald? You might think he's scary today, back in the day?


AFGSREHJETNFG MOTHERFUCK - Normally I'm not one to fall into the whole 'scared of clowns' category, these days it's somehow 'cool' and 'mainstream' to be scared of clowns, everyone claims to be scared of clowns and I don't really understand why but back in the day Ronald McDonald was fucking terrifying, look at that bastard! And he's wear gloves, y'know.. That way he can murder your ass and leave no finger prints or evidence to incriminate himself.. Good lord..

Still there's a company that tops all of these in my opinion, a United States-based Ice Cream truck franchisor popular in the Northeast. It was founded by William and James Conway in 1956 called "Mr. Softee" which still exists today and still features the same mascot, the mascot? Simply "Mr. Softee"..


BEHOLD The face of terror and feel the fear poop fill your pants as you completely loose control of your bowels! Not only is it fucked up that this man has an Ice Cream Cone for a head because you know somewhere along the lines someone may have tried to eat his head which is scary in and of itself but look at that expression, that mindless evil smile.. Fuuuuuuck...This is the shit true nightmares are made of and in that tradition let me end by abruptly saying that if these mascots and considerations haven't put you off Fast Food then.. Well..


Sleep well, folks.. Sleep well..


Dinner:

Dinner for tonight for James was Choshoku no Sakana (Breakfast Fish) and is a nice pan seared White Fish Fillet resting on a Butter Pan Toasted piece of Bread with an accompaniment of a Hardboiled Egg cut in half with two Mushrooms and a side Fudge Anpan (Sweet Roll)

Yum! 

 

Monday, June 18, 2012

Fast Food Horrors (Hungry Jacks)

Okay so.. Here we go, y'know, I just can't understand this shit. Why has the Fast Food industry lately been so concerned with this trendy shit that's been so popular and as an additional question, why the fuck has this trendy shit been so popular and trendy in the first place? Why is everything from Fast Food chains suddenly being called artisanal which makes no fucking sense because something from a Fast Food chain can't be artisanal, the definition of artisanal defines it as something created by an Artisan;

"one that produces something (as cheese or wine) in limited quantities often using traditional methods"

I've got news for you guys, Artisans Fast Food Chains are not, there's nothing traditional about Fast Food and there's certainly nothing artisanal about the food if it can even be called that I mean.. Come on.. It's questionably food at best and it's certainly not made in limited qualities, is it? Definitely not if it's made to order or made for delivery such as these new alleged 'Artisanal Pizza's', bullshit! Lying bastards, I'll gut you with a Circus Peanut!

...Interesting choice of murder weapon, huh? Yeah, I'm feeling a little creative. Maybe I could come up with the first streak of artisanal murder.. I mean if Fast Food Chains can call their slop 'artisanal', surely I could call unique and limited quantity murders artisanal?

It's now official though, the aberrant behemoth of a disgusting Pork and Ice Cream kamikaze creation has been released full-on, evidently the testing went so well that they're now convinced they can make a mint on the monster that is the monumentally disgusting Bacon Sundae;


This is a Sundae made with Vanilla Ice Cream topped by Bacon Bits, a strip of Bacon, Chocolate, Caramel, and lets not forget the Fat which inevitably congeals on top! Confession time! I can't eat Bacon Bits, I haven't been able to eat Bacon Bits in years when stories went around about a local Salad Bar which had rat feces in the Bacon Bits which people were obliviously consuming until at least the Health Inspector trotted along and well.. I used to eat Bacon Bits on my Salads and such.. But.. Yeah.. That killed it for me for good..

That said? I'll never try this Sundae, I don't care if someone paid for it for me, I'll never ever try this bastard. It's disgusting to start with and if you gave me one and a spoon I'd go meth-head on your ass and try to pry your goddamned eyes out of their sockets with the spoon because WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, THAT'S DISGUSTING!!

I'm not really a fan of Bacon, I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not 'hip' enough for this new Bacon trend, I don't see the appeal and I definitely don't see why you'd want to ruin perfectly good Vanilla Soft Serve even Vanilla Soft Serve from a Fast Food Chain with this shite..

Strangely however most of the reviews I've seen for this product have somehow been positive, so take that as you will.. I myself? I shall take measures to viciously maul anyone who brings one within the general vicinity of my person.. Take that as you will and be forewarned.

Our next product? It kind of makes me rage just a wee bit.. It's another product from Hungry Jacks (Burger King U.S.) and is called the Memphis BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich, let me start by stating the following.. Memphis? ...Really? ....Memphis?

...Okay I'm reluctant to admit I actually lived in Memphis for several years, I'm going to state right now.. I'm not a racist, I'm world-cultured, I've got knowledge of various cultures and traditions outside my own, I've been a part of those cultures in the past, one of my best friends from the past is a Prince of Nigeria, I shit you not, validly a Prince of a village out there and he's a great bloke who has a wonderful sunny personality but here.. Memphis is.. Well..


Jesus motherfucking tapdancing zombie brain munching Christ, it's the black daughter of Ronald McDonald! These are the types of people you see in Memphis, Tennessee, they're stereotypical ghetto blacks who wear their pants halfway off their asses (sometimes fully, don't underestimate them!), think guns are awesome, frequently shoot one another, play the 'race card' constantly, and have 0 class, their idea of class is a mouth full of gold teeth studded with fake diamonds.

Memphis is also a 'racial city' in that while I lived there I heard countless times the black or excuse me, 'African American'/'Afro American' population claiming that the city was racist against them which is kind of hard to believe considering that if you go to Memphis the first thing you'll notice especially if you're not black is that you stick out like a sore goddamned thumb. The U.S. Census for 2000 stated that the black population was 61.41% while the white was a measly 34.41%, that's changed since then so that there are more black so precisely how can a city that's comprised primarily of your race be racist towards your race? Unless it's a city of self hating blacks like Uncle Ruckus from The Boondocks and I seriously doubt that..

The crime level in Memphis is also described as follows;

Indicates Memphis crime level is worse than national average.

Yeah.. And if you say anything in Memphis you run about a 85% chance of being shot by one of these 'thugs', that's their name for themselves not mine.. Memphis is not a nice place to live so why Hungry Jacks would choose to actively name their sandwich after Memphis BBQ is beyond me..

Furthermore Memphis BBQ isn't even that good, oh everyone raves about places like Rendezvous but let me tell you, it's really not that special, the best things Memphis has to offer is probably in the relation to food, Catfish. I'll admit Catfish in Memphis was pretty amazing.. That's about it.. 




The new Memphis BBQ Pulled Pork Sandwich from Hungry Jacks looks pretty in their marketing promotional but let me go ahead and say, I've seen reviews and photographs of the actual sandwich in action, it's fucking horrifying, it looks not just nasty but it looks 'fuzzy', that's how I'd describe it. Of course reviews state that it's not properly sauced (no surprise), it tastes nothing like Pulled Pork in Memphis (also no surprise), and well.. It's not proper 'Memphis' food unless it comes either A. Riddled with bullets/bullet holes or B. Armed with a fucking gun and shooting at your sorry honky ass (assuming you are a honky) in which case that you're not shall we go through the full racial repertoire; nigger, spic, chink, jap, etc and etc.


AND NO, I'M NOT A GODDAMNED RACIST! I'm just jaded, I'm Jade after all. I mock my own race and my own mudmuttbloodidness. If you're offended by any of this, learn to take things less serious! It's a joke! 

...Sort of anyway..

.....I'm probably gonna get shot...

 Dinner:

So tonight's dinner for James is Kaki Kinoko Itame (Stir-fried Oyster Mushrooms) and is a dish of delicious Mushrooms Stir-fried in a Soy Oyster Sauce coming complete with a Confetti Cream Anpan (Sweet Roll)